


She Still Lives

by Lexilindale35



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 12:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5164232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexilindale35/pseuds/Lexilindale35
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time Clarke Griffin was our leader. <br/>Now she's a legend we all love to tell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She Still Lives

**Author's Note:**

> This is entirely based on a picture I saw on tumblr of an old worn photo that was cut out. Underneath it says, "now she lives around someone's neck inside a locket" and I just thought that was so awesome. So I hope you like this =)

I always have to come up with an excuse to get away from camp. No one ever needs me until I try to escape to the bunker. Usually Jasper would try to get me to try his moonshine. He seemed to be doing better after losing Maya. Monty was the best listener. Octavia and Lincoln, well they could tell I was dealing with my grief the only want I knew how. Still they all seem to sense I when I needed a moment alone. Of course no one left me alone these days. They were worried, they thought I couldn't bare the pain on my own.

They were right. It was hard to live without her. But they didn't realize I could put in the best show around these parts. I stood over the dirt and said my goodbyes. I thought I could handle doing this on my own. I thought I could pull myself together and somehow find a way to lead without my right hand.

So I stopped crying after the rain fell.

I crawled down the ladder and pushed my hair out of my face. Just a few weeks ago we had been joking about getting it cut. Now I kept the curls, they were always her favorite part of my head. Her soft fingers would brush through them as she smiled up at me. So many nights we spent together I took for granted. I thought we had all the time in the world, I thought I would get to memorize a new part of her every day. The way her nose crinkled when she laughed, that slight shake of the head she did whenever she found me funny but didn’t want to admit it.

I pushed the memories aside as I sat down on the bed. So many moments we laid here, we laughed, we kissed. We talked about our people. We touched, we held hands. This place was more our home than our tent in the camp. I sighed, running my fingers along the blanket. If I tried hard enough I could feel her there with me. I could smell her scent, I could hear her laughter. I felt her more now than I did when she was still here in the camp.

I set my jaw. Even though I was alone I forced myself to be strong. I was done falling apart. My people needed me now more than ever. Today would be my final visit to our bunker. I sat up straighter and pushed down the emotions that were threatening to take over. I reached into the drawer and found what I was looking for.

The old box had seen better days. The wood was rotting, scratches scattered across the surface. The two pink hearts that were once painted on the top were long faded with time. Still it held together, it wouldn't fall apart no matter how hard the world tried to destroy it. 

This world had tried to break down more than this old wooden box. Of course it had seen worse days than us, since it was here before we set foot back on the ground. It had weathered the radiation. It had stood the test of time and lived to tell the tale.

That's why Clarke had been so attached to it. Because she understood the box's will to live. To face another day even when it wasn't guaranteed. We were all fighting just like this box. We were all fighting for our rightful place on the ground.

Except now we were fighting alone. She had been our leader, our saving grace. No one was there to save her. No one could pick up the pieces she left behind either.

I lifted the top slowly, I didn't want to be the end of this strong wooden box. I just wanted to see the treasures she had left behind. I missed her every single day. I wanted to breathe her in once more, to know that once upon a time my life was filled with her laughter. 

The first piece of her inside was the watch she refused to ever leave behind. It was as old as this box, passed down from her grandfather and then her father. She treasured this thing more than life itself. I couldn't believe she left it behind. The leather strap was ragged and worn. Still it brought tears to my eyes.

The battery was dead, the time was stopped. If only it was possible to stop time completely. If I could've stopped time I could’ve found a way to keep her here with me. Maybe I wouldn't feel so empty. My heart wouldn’t feel so empty, my tent wouldn’t feel so cold.

I looked around the bunker wondering why I hadn't run away with her. I told her a dozen times we could make a life here where the grounders would never find us. Of course she would laugh and wish away the pain. She would squeeze my hand and tell me that we were their leader. The 48 needed us as much as we needed each other.

I knew she was right. But ever since that day she wandered back into the camp and told me she loved me, I dreamt of running away with her. I dreamt of a life we never could've had on the ark. A life filled with kisses and laughter. A life a poor boy like me never even believed was possible.

I should've realized the ground would squish those dreams just as fast as the ark did.

I never meant to fall in love with her. I never meant to fall in love with anyone. But things happen, when you're working with someone as close as we were. Our meetings turned into heartfelt talks. Our insults turned into inside jokes. Princess became her nickname not an jab at her family. I respected her and she respected me.

The little moments was when I truly saw her as more than a woman, as more than just our leader. I saw her as my other half. I saw her as the girl I never wanted to live without.

In the beginning it scared me, falling so hard so fast for this girl I once hated. But then on the nights she curled up beside me after waking up from a nightmare I knew it was real. I knew there wasn't anything to be afraid of because this was Clarke, this was everything my mother ever wanted for me and Octavia. She wanted us to be happy, to love and be loved in returned.

Clarke loved me almost as much as I loved her.

The room was musty, or maybe I was letting my emotions get to me. I pushed past the tears, swallowing the lump in my throat. I never knew the world could be so cold and empty without that one person in it. I sneezed as the dust hit my nose, closing my eyes.

She stood there before me. Her blonde hair twirling in the wind as she spun. She loved as hard as she lived and for some reason she fell in love with me. We were good together, her laughter was music to my ears. As good as we were we had our bad moments. I could always bring her back around with a single kiss.

She could bring me to my knees with a single look.

I opened my eyes before the memories became too much. I sighed, running my hand over the face of the watch. I set it aside, pulling out the little doll she had carried as a child. I had no idea who she brought it down here with her, but there it was in my hands. The little face was worn, the hair was a mess. But she never could let go of sentimental things. She kept it, telling me one day she'd give it to our daughter.

A tear slipped past my defenses. We never had a daughter. We never even had a chance to have a life together. Just as we began to embrace our feelings, the time we shared was lost. Our relationship was a shooting star. It burned bright and fast. It was gone before we had a chance to catch it.

I shook my head, wondering how I would get through this. There was nothing as painful as this feeling. I couldn't shake it, I couldn't turn it off. My ability to become numb was gone. My chest felt like it had been cracked open, like I wouldn't never feel whole again. It hurt to breathe, to let the air in and out of my lungs.

I laid the doll beside the watch. Her paint brushes were in the box, along with her favorite pieces. One of them was me. She never filled in the color, but she had captured the light that filled my eyes whenever I looked at her. My curls were longer back then, my eyes bigger. She was more than talented. 

She was amazing.

I was biased, but everyone agreed. She was our leader, she kept us safe here on the ground. She kept the cold away, she kept the warmth inside our people. No matter how hungry she was, she’d offer someone her last piece of food before filling her stomach. She never thought of herself, that's why she left too soon. I shook my head, reliving that painful moment all over again.

I sighed as I put her drawings on the ground, careful not to mess them up. After a moment I reached in to find what I was looking for. Except the picture, the only picture I had left of her, was gone. My heart broke a little more as I looked at the old photograph in my hands. It was faded, browning around the edges. But that didn't matter because I could still see her. Her beautiful smile, with those big blue eyes.

But it wasn't there. Someone had cut the center of her face, leaving the remains of an empty heart behind. 

I felt another crack in my delicate chest, until I realized how ironic this was. An empty heart just like the one still beating inside my chest. Her face gone, but the imprint still held true in my head. I could see her as clear as day, her laughter still echoed in my ears. I didn't need a picture to remind me of the girl I loved; the girl I lost.

The girl who offered me the world and took on the weight of it to protect everyone else. The girl who lost her life fighting a war she never wanted to enter.

I held the thing lightly, knowing right then and there I’d never forget her face. I’d never need something physical to remind me of the love we shared, the light she brought into my life. I thought I would, but I was wrong. Because she was always with me, her hand was still holding mine as I navigated the waters without her.

I dropped the paper and sighed. My eyes scanning the bottom of the wooden box.

There was something new inside the box. It was small and silver. My eyes were wide when I realized it was the locket she never took off. The old silver trinket I had found long ago. I slipped my finger through the cracks and there it was. The rest of the picture I had been looking for. Her face smiling back at me. Her blue eyes sparkling even in the brown coloring. 

I swallowed the lump once more. She had left me her favorite things. She promised she would never leave me, not if she had a choice. I knew it was true. If Clarke couldn't walked away from that battle she would've. 

But we were warriors, we would always sacrifice ourselves for our people. She knew I loved her with every single piece of my bruised and beaten heart. Just like I marveled at her ability to love someone as broken as me. 

She had changed me. Somehow during our time together she made me softer, more aware of the family we had in the 48. She made me want to be better, for them and for her. I ran my finger over the locket, promising her once more I would never give up on our mission.

I would never stop fighting for the peace we all so desperately wanted.

The picture was gone, but Clarke is still here. Now she lives around my neck inside the locket I once gave to her. She'll always be with me, inside my heart and inside my soul. Love like that only comes but once in a lifetime.

Once upon a time Clarke Griffin was our leader. Now she's a legend we all love to tell.


End file.
